WILLIAMMORGAN.NET

So I saw the Coinstar machine at the grocery and my first response, as usual, was, “Who the hell puts change into a machine that takes 15% just for counting it?” I guess if you were an illegal immigrant and couldn’t open a  bank account then it might make sense, but other than that it doesn’t show great financial [...]

Some jokes are just too easy and thus take all the fun out of laughing. What else can be said about this year’s greatest holiday gift, the Snuggie for Dogs? The only difficulty now is deciding which was the strangest gift I encountered all year: Dude Da’ Bunny or this tacky canine robe. I’m going [...]

I read an interesting article at TheAmericanScholar.org called “The Decline of the English Department” and I sadly found myself cheering along a bit. The big picture is this: from 1970 to 2003, English as a college major dropped from from 7.6 percent of all majors to 3.9 percent.
Now I do have a two questions about [...]

I came out of the library today and found this card from Joyful Journeys Transportation Services on my windshield. I don’t really have anything insightful to say about it. It just struck me as one of those documents where you go, “Yeah, that’s what the world is like today. Different.” It appears to be some [...]

Speaking of morality: Wouldn’t it be great to be a former president who continues to appall people 35 years later? I’m fascinated by Nixon because he’s such a mess of contradictions. People may hate the politics and policies of Bush and Clinton, but Nixon is different. You can respect some of his accomplishment and at [...]

Note on my previous post: Certain crimes change the ordering of attributes. Example: Mike Tyson isn’t a boxer who got busted raping a woman; Mike Tyson is a rapist who was also a good boxer. Phil Spector isn’t a music producer who murdered somebody; he is a murderer who produced music. Michael Jackson is a [...]

What to say after my return from the family’s first pilgrimage to Orlando? I want to rip on Mickey Mouse—to be the hypercritical parent who refuses to allow his kids to choose Toy Story as the theme for a birthday party—but I don’t have it in me. Disney is what it is, both the theme [...]

Received a nice mullet spotting guide from Molly in my e-mail today. Now some might say mullet humor has outlived its time. I disagree. At the same time, it’s rare that I learn something new about mullets. After all, MulletsGalore.com was perhaps the first totally pointless web site I remember laughing at back in about [...]

As a high school teacher, I’m obviously an acute observer of all things fashionable. Yet as spring turns into summer, and the temperature rises above 80, there’s only one fashion choice that leaves me confused. I’ll call it Summer Gothic Juggalo. (Yes, amateur sociologists, I’m well aware of the differences between these two groups. However, [...]

Latest crime report from the Tribune: Look at young Byron Eugene Hamilton over there. Not that’s a high-achiever! Only nine and he knows how to drive and is leaning to drink and drive (albeit a bit unsuccessfully at this point). That might even be his own apartment listed in the crime sheet.
I bet his basket [...]